A new milestone has been reached. One for which I have no preparation at all. No experience either. When Christopher spots a toilet he has as of yesterday started clutching his nappy and his pants trying to drag them down whilst repeating "wee wee? wee wee?".
Yay! I thought. The end of nappy days is fast approaching. I happily rip off his pants and his nappy and then...I get stuck- ok. What now? I try holding him above the toilet in a semi-standing type position, straining to hold up his 13kilograms to the right level. Then I realise that he cannot hold his own willy. I bravely grab his little willy and try to aim it in sort of the right direction- feeling like a bit of a pervert. This is weird. Ok, my boy- go for it- wee wee! Nothing. Ok- back to the drawing board. Try him sitting. Nothing. He struggles to get off saying, "No! No!" I think he fears that I will drop him into the bowl and call him Alice for the rest of his life. Ok...um- I kneel before the throne. Ok baby- stand on mommy's knees and wee wee. I sit there- grab his little willy again and point it at the bowl. Nothing. I put his nappy back on. I put his pants back on feeling slightly disappointed at my failure.
We arrive at a show house where James is meeting another agent. We pass a toilet. "Wee, wee?" "wee, wee?!" I repeat steps 1 through 53 and a half above. Give up. Take a wee myself. Resurface after an embarrassing amount of time.
We go back to James' showhouse. Christopher spots the toilet. "Wee, wee? Wee Wee!!!". My enthusiasm for the new milestone is by now somewhat dulled, "No my baby. Just wee, wee in your nappy, ok sweetie pie?"
Fat help James is. I relay my experience to him and say I don't know what I am supposed to do. He doesn't know either...I think next time I will find a good patch of grass somewhere.
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