I have ants. Everywhere. In the kitchen, in the kettle, in the cat's food, in the used tea bags, in the pantry cupboard. I cannot even claim the privacy of my own bathroom because even there I have to contend with eyeballing yet more ants. And I have a bit of an obsessive relationship with ants. I hate to see the poor buggers drown walking in the sink- so depending on my mood I will often scoop the lucky ones up on my fingertip and set them to dry on a dishcloth. But sometimes I get gatvol that there are just so many ants- and then there are just so many ants circling the drain and then they are gone...and I feel bad.
To digress-I have seen a doctors' lecture in good practice where they are advised that it is best not to use funny little acronyms like CTD on their patient's bedcharts- because it becomes a bit embarrassing in court when under cross examination by the plaintiff's attorneys as to what this means, you are forced to divulge that the patient was circling the drain.
So back to the ants. How do I get rid of them when I have a young child and pets in the house? I am paranoid about using poisons and I don't want them to suffer- I just want them to go and infest someone else's house. It would appear that I have a little Count of Monte Cristo ant or perhaps a whole horde of them- because they are (it would appear from the large piles of dirt left on my window sills) trying to excavate an escape route through the wall. I am not certain why taking a more direct route through the imminently accessible open window has not been considered a more favourable option. I think the little bastards just like to make work for themselves.
So, still on the topic of things that are just that wee bit off centre and not really working for me in my life right now- I also have perfume that looks and feels and cost the same as my favourite perfume- but does not smell like my favourite perfume. This is most bothersome because it was a gift from hubby and is damn expensive. I thought a work colleague of mine had been sniffing the office supplies when she suggested the same thing to me a few years back- that her perfume had been watered down. JPG- is supposed to be sweet and overpowering and smelt from 2 blocks away- but mine, hope hubby is not reading this, smells like I would be better off drinking it as a shooter.
Then- to continue my therapeutic rambling- I have a bottle of Footsack which is supposed to keep my animals off whatever it is sprayed on. That is working... Like a cat-flap on a fucking submarine. Ie not so much. The ants and the cats are all over the place.
Then- one of those free gifts that you get when you purchase your cosmetics - a trial size of something- I noticed as I finished it that it has a false bottom- so from the outside of the container- it looks like you are getting twice as much but then, and hey presto, premature evaporation. False tits. False teeth. False people. So why not false bottoms- or would that be scaping the bottom of the cosmetic jar.
While I am in a philosophical mood- have you ever wondered where exactly all this stuff that is on the internet is kept? Is it all on a big google machine somewhere?
Today's treasures: watching Christopher klunk around in my high heels and seeing the joy on his face as he peeped at me over the dining room table and realised that he was that bit taller. That the new Child magazine was out when I went to fetch Christopher today. I am looking forward to getting into bed and reading it after a nice hot bath.
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